七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話

　　英語(yǔ)笑話，有的令我笑噴了，有的感覺難以發(fā)笑呀，雖然看英文敘述非常簡(jiǎn)單，但英語(yǔ)國(guó)家的幽默我們未必看得懂，下面是小編為大家收集整理的是七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話，僅供參考。

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【一】

　　Mr. and Mrs. Jones very seldom go out in the evening, but last saturday, Mrs. Jones said to her husband, "There is a good film at the cinema tonight. Can we go and see it?"

　　Mr. Jones was quite happy about it, so they went, and both of them enjoyed the film.

　　They came out of the cinema at 11 o'clock, got into their car and began driving home. It was quite dark. Then Mrs. Jones said, "Look, Bill. A woman's running along the road very fast, and a man's running after her. Can you see them?"

　　Mr. Jones said, "Yes, I can." He drove the car slowly near the woman and said to her, "Can we help you?"

　　"No, thank you," the woman said, but she did not stop running. "My husband and I always run home after the cinema, and the last one washes the dishes at home!"

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【二】

　　One day,a lady talked with her friend saying that the sun is the most beautiful and useful of the celestial bodies.

　　A gentlman who was present, answered: "Yes, Madam, the sun is a very fine body, to be sure, but in my opinion, it is not so useful as the moon."

　　"Why so?" asked the lady.

　　"Because," replied the gentleman, "the moon affords us light in the night-time, when we really want it, whereas we have the sun always with us in the day-time, when we have not so much need of it."

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【三】

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【四】

　　Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking by the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

　　When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately reviewed her file and called her into his office.

　　"Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom，he's dead."

　　Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I hung him up to dry."

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【五】

　　"All the kids make fun of me," the boy cried to his mother, "They say I have a big head."

　　"Don't listen to them," his mother comforted him, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes."

　　"Where's the shopping bag?"

　　"I haven't got one, use your hat."

　　“所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑，”小男孩哭著跟媽媽說(shuō)：“他們說(shuō)我長(zhǎng)了一個(gè)大腦袋。”

　　“別聽他們的，”他媽媽安慰說(shuō)：“你的腦袋長(zhǎng)得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來(lái)�！�

　　“購(gòu)物袋在哪？”

　　“我沒有購(gòu)物袋，就用你的帽子吧�！�

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【六】

　　Talking on the Telephone

　　Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

　　"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

　　The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

　　Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

　　在電話中交談

　　每個(gè)星期天牧師都會(huì)把孩子們叫到教堂前面，然后給他們講一個(gè)故事。一天，他為了更好地闡述祈禱的含義，帶來(lái)了一臺(tái)電話機(jī)。

　　“你們和別人在電話里交談，并沒有看到電話線另一端的人，對(duì)嗎？”他開始問(wèn)道。孩子們點(diǎn)頭稱是�！昂玫�，和上帝交談就象通過(guò)電話交談一樣。他就在另一端，雖然你看不見他，但是他正在聆聽你的心聲�！�

　　就在這時(shí)，一個(gè)小男孩尖著嗓子問(wèn)道：“那他的電話號(hào)碼是什么？”

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【七】

　　While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?"

　　"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"

　　一個(gè)學(xué)生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意�！澳莻�(gè)大銅鑼和錘子是干什么用的？”他的一個(gè)朋友問(wèn)他�！澳峭嬉鈨簠柡α�，那是一個(gè)會(huì)說(shuō)話的鐘”，學(xué)生回答�！斑@鐘怎么工作的”，他的朋友問(wèn)。“看著，別眨眼了”，那學(xué)生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁墻那邊有人狂叫，“別敲了，你這白癡！現(xiàn)在是凌晨?jī)牲c(diǎn)鐘了！”

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【八】

　　After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."在將母親下葬9個(gè)月后，當(dāng)?shù)貧泝x館的`一個(gè)客戶終于攢夠了錢去買那副他早就相中的價(jià)值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來(lái)，將尸體轉(zhuǎn)移到了那副新的鋼制棺材中�！斑@副棺材有什么特別?”，我問(wèn)葬禮的承辦人。他回答說(shuō)，“這種棺材終生保修。

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【九】

　　One day, the teacher inquired of Peter: "How much is four minus four?" Peter was tongue-tied.

　　The teacher got angry and said: "What a fool! You see, if I put four coins in your pocket, but there is a hole in your pocket and all of them leak out, now what is left in your pocket?"

　　"The hole," replied Peter。

　　一天，老師問(wèn)彼得：“4減4等于幾？”彼得張口結(jié)舌答不上來(lái)。

　　老師生氣地說(shuō)：“真笨！你想，我要是往你口袋里放四個(gè)硬幣，而你的口袋上有個(gè)窟窿，硬幣全漏掉了，那么，你衣袋里還剩下什么？”

　　“窟窿，”彼得答道。

　　七年級(jí)英語(yǔ)笑話【十】

　　A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer．“No，ma’am， we haven't had any for a while， and it doesn't look asif we'll be getting soon．” Horrified，the manager came runningover to the customer and said，“Of course， we'll have somesoon， We placed an order last week．” Then the manager drewthe clerk aside：“Never， never， never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming． Now whatwas it she wanted？” “Rain．” said the clerk．

　　一個(gè)商店經(jīng)理聽見一個(gè)店員對(duì)顧客說(shuō)：“不，夫人，這會(huì)兒沒有，一時(shí)半會(huì)兒看來(lái)也不會(huì)有�！苯�(jīng)理驚恐萬(wàn)分地跑到顧客跟前說(shuō)：“當(dāng)然，馬上就會(huì)有的。我們上周訂了貨�！比缓蠼�(jīng)理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)，千萬(wàn)不要說(shuō)我們沒有什么——說(shuō)我們已經(jīng)訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現(xiàn)在你說(shuō)她要買什么？” “雨，”店員說(shuō)。

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