快樂英語爆笑笑話

　　英語笑話是引人發(fā)笑的話或事情的句子。下面yjbys小編分享給您哦。

　　Two roaches 兩只蟑螂

　　Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.""Please," said the other roach frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

　　兩只蟑螂正在一條小巷的垃圾堆上大吃著，其中的一只談起了它在一家新開張的餐館里的經(jīng)歷。“那時(shí)我在街對(duì)面的那家新餐館里，”它說。“那里太干凈了!廚房沒有一點(diǎn)污漬，地面閃著白光。任何地方都沒有垃圾。那里是如此干凈，整個(gè)地方都在發(fā)光。”“請(qǐng)不要在我吃東西的時(shí)候說這個(gè)好嗎?”另一只蟑螂不悅地說。

　　What are the Two Words?

　　A very nice old lady had a few words to say to her granddaughter. My dear, said the old lady, I wish you would do something for me. I wish you would promise me never to use two words. One is ‘lousy’ and the other is ‘swell’. Would you promise me that?

　　Why, sure, Granny, said the girl. What are the two words?

　　一個(gè)非常和藹的老夫人有幾句話要對(duì)她的.孫女說。我親愛的，老夫人說，我希望你能幫我一個(gè)忙。我要你答應(yīng)永遠(yuǎn)不要用兩個(gè)詞，一個(gè)是“討厭的”，另一個(gè)是“極好的”。你能答應(yīng)我嗎?

　　噢，當(dāng)然，奶奶。女孩說：是哪兩個(gè)詞?

　　the woman who loves you most?

　　One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.

　　On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out.'The woman who loves

　　you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield.'

　　My husband looked up and said, 'Mom's here?'

　　一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當(dāng)我終于走進(jìn)屋里時(shí)大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風(fēng)玻璃。”

　　我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了?”

　　拿破侖病了

　　Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year."He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.""No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!""Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

　　杰克到一所大學(xué)去學(xué)歷史。第一學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，歷史課教授沒讓他及格，校讓他退學(xué)。然而，杰克的父親決定去見教授，強(qiáng)烈要求讓杰克繼續(xù)來年的學(xué)業(yè)。“他是個(gè)好孩子，”杰克的父親說，“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會(huì)有很大進(jìn)步，學(xué)期結(jié)束時(shí)，他一定會(huì)考好的。”“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答，“你知道嗎?上個(gè)月我問他拿破侖什么時(shí)候死的，他都不知道。”“先生，請(qǐng)?jiān)俳o他一次機(jī)會(huì)吧。”杰克的父親說，“你不知道，恐怕是因?yàn)槲覀兗覜]有訂報(bào)紙，我們家的人連拿破侖病了都不知道。”

　　我還以為那是我的手

　　Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet! Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket? Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine. 教授：天哪!有人偷了我的錢包! 妻子：你難道沒感覺到一只手伸進(jìn)你的口袋? 教授：感覺到了，可我還以為那是我的手呢?

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