簡短的英語笑話（精選17篇）
英語笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創(chuàng)作體裁，是一種重要的交際手段。下面是小編為大家收集的簡短的英語笑話，希望對大家有幫助！
簡短的英語笑話 1
These Are My Jeans!
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.
“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”
那是我的褲子!
一個婦女在減肥一段時間后自我感覺特別好——特別是當她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的`褲子了�！彼煞蚩戳怂靡粫䞍海缓笳f：“親愛的，我愛你。但那是我的褲子�！�
簡短的英語笑話 2
The mean mans party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客。
一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的`胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開。”
“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。
簡短的英語笑話 3
All I do is pay.
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"Im the people. All I do is pay."
我要做的一切就是付錢。
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子是財政部長。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長，我女兒是外交秘書。”
“聽上去挺有意思的`，”他的同事說，“那你的職務是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢�！�
簡短的英語笑話 4
one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."
一天，放學以后，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能首先回答我的.問題，我就準許他或她最先回家�！�
the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."
第二天，老師走進教室時發(fā)現黑板被涂得亂七八糟，他非常生氣的問：“誰涂的？請站起來！”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見！”
簡短的英語笑話 5
before the final examination, tom told his mother, "mom, i had a dream last night that id passed todays exam."
在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個夢，夢見我通過了今天的考試�！�
"dont trust dreams, dear. it is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." mother replied.
“不要相信夢，親愛的`。據說夢中的經歷通常與現實相反。”媽媽答道。
"then i do hope ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," tom said.
“那么，我真希望在今晚的夢中，我的其他功課都不及格�！睖氛f。
簡短的英語笑話 6
Saving lives.
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
簡短的英語笑話 7
The mourners pain.
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
簡短的英語笑話 8
Black eyes.
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
簡短的英語笑話 9
Why should I give you money.
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
簡短的英語笑話 10
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate.
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。
客人微笑著把奶酪放進嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的'好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夾上，先生�！蹦切∧泻⒄f。
簡短的英語笑話 11
One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didnt write address and addressees name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"
"Certainly."
"You didnt notice that?the envelope does not have address and addressees name on it?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why?didnt you take it back?"
"I thought that you?did not write address and addressee, because you wouldnt let me know to whom you send the letter!"
簡短的英語笑話 12
The New Teacher.
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
簡短的英語笑話 13
mother asked her little boy, darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
母親問她年幼的兒子：寶貝，今天老師教了你些什么?
nothing, mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and i told her three.
兒子驕傲地說：什么都沒教，媽媽。她反倒問我一加二等于幾，我告訴她等于三。
簡短的英語笑話 14
一分一塊錢 A dollar per point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
一天，教授正在給學生們監(jiān)考。他發(fā)下試卷，然后回到講臺前等待。
考試結束了，學生們紛紛交回試卷。教授發(fā)現一張試卷上別著一張百元鈔票，還有一張紙條寫著：“一分一塊錢�！�
第二堂課，教授把試卷都發(fā)回學生們手中。其中一個學生不但得到了試卷還得到64塊錢的找零。
簡短的英語笑話 15
one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."
一天，放學以后，老師對他的學生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當中的任何一個同學能首先回答我的問題，我就準許他或她最先回家�！�
the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."
第二天，老師走進教室時發(fā)現黑板被涂得亂七八糟，他非常生氣的`問：“誰涂的?請站起來!”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現在我可以回家了，再見!”
簡短的英語笑話 16
But the teacher cried 可是老師哭了
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被寵壞的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(亂發(fā)脾氣) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didnt cry, but the teacher did!
六歲的約翰嬌生慣養(yǎng)。他的父親知道這一點，可他的'祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是鬧。他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。
約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他并問道：學校怎么樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?
哭?約翰問，不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。
簡短的英語笑話 17
Does He Bite 它咬人嗎
Reggie: We have got a new dog. Would you like to come around and play with him?
Ron: Well, I dont know---does he bite?
Reggie: Thats what I want to find out.
里基：我們又得到了一條新狗，你愿意過來和他玩一會嗎?
羅恩：嗯，我不知道----它咬人嗎?
里基：這正是我想要查明的。
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